Change

     I was listening to Pandora today when a song came on that I really loved. It was about wanting to show someone how you've changed. I am always trying to change, as we all should be, for the better. Recently I started making big changes though, changes that I feel REALLY good about. I am more proud of myself than I have been in a long time. Unfortunately I was barely too late in making these changes, and lost something that I really wanted. Someone that I really wanted. I can't help but think that the timing was so perfectly after the fact, that it must just have not been meant to be. And that's hard, especially for a naive 20-year-old who's barely experienced life, to not have things go the way she wanted, the way she thought she deserved. Sometimes you just have to accept that you're not wanted. 
     But, I am an adult now, and I have to learn that I can not only do hard things, but that I can take those hard things, turn them around, kick them in the butt, and become a better person for it.
These were the lyrics to the song: 


I wish you could see me now 
I wish I could show you how 
I'm not who I was 
I used to be mad at you 
A little on the hurt side too 
But I'm not who I was 

I found my way around 
To forgiving you 
Some time ago 
But I never got to tell you so 

I found us in a photograph 
I saw me and I had to laugh 
You know, I'm not who I was 
You were there, you were right above me 
And I wonder if you ever loved me 
Just for who I was 

When the pain came back again 
Like a bitter friend 
It was all that I could do 
To keep myself from blaming you 

I reckon it's a funny thing 
I figured out I can sing 
Now I'm not who I was 
I write about love and such 
Maybe 'cause I want it so much 
I'm not who I was 

I was thinking maybe I 
I should let you know 
I am not the same 
But I never did forget your name 
Hello 

Well the thing I find most amazing 
In amazing grace 
Is the chance to give it out 
Maybe that's what love is all about 

I wish you could see me now 
I wish I could show you how 
I'm not who I was


     Maybe if I were braver I could say something like this. But I doubt it would work anyway.
     Now worries though. Awesome things still happen. 
     Like, for example, these ladies in matching outfits at Kneader's. I wish I still had the guts to do that.